Embarking into the Unknown: A Prelude to New Beginnings - Part Two

The drive back home was quiet. As expected, the meeting with the oncologist had raised more questions than answers, and I just wanted an answer to one: was she going to make it through this? I recall asking her that very question at least 5-6 times, and each time, she responded with, "We'll fight through this together. Just be strong and take it one day at a time." It's funny how we toss around phrases like "Every day is a gift from God" and "Live today as if it was your last," yet that day, their profound meanings became an undeniable truth.

One thing was clear: Mom needed all the help she could get in this fight, so after dinner, I began researching and learning about cancer, the causes, treatments, next steps, and so on. Since there were a few tests still pending to determine the extent of the disease, I kept my focus limited to immediate nutritional and lifestyle changes that would help reduce the spread. One piece of advice stood out across blogs, podcasts, and articles: Change the diet and cut out added sugars. I compiled a list of healthy recipes recommended for cancer patients and designed a new diet she'd enjoy. Mom was never picky about her food, so I wasn't concerned about pushback as long as I didn't remove her favorite item: ice cream. Because she was so fond of it, we had a family tradition of taking her to ice cream every weekend, regardless of the season. With the new diet plan created and a better understanding of the next steps in the process, the only thing remaining was to wait for the remaining tests.

Over the next couple of weeks, we conducted additional tests, and it felt like we finally had some control back on life. That was until the rollercoaster called life took another twist, and the results came back. Turns out, the cancer had metastasized and spread to her liver and lungs. According to the doctor, a cure was no longer an option, and she needed to be on treatment for the rest of her life. Have you ever faced a situation where giving your best effort felt like the only option, even in the face of daunting odds? That's precisely the situation I was in because I knew that if I wanted to keep my mom alive, I'd need to give my best every single day while accepting that the result could very well be losing her. A famous quote by Michael Jordan explains what was going through my mind then.

"I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying." - Michael Jordan.

The Treatment Begins

Now that the doctor had a better idea of Mom's situation, the chemo treatments began. If you've never gone through the treatment process, the doctor administers one drug for four weeks (1 dose every two weeks) and then repeats all the tests to see the progress. Based on the updated results, they decide whether to continue the same drug or try a different one. After the first two doses, we noticed a particular pattern in how the drug affected her body and built some rituals to help her cope more effectively. She was at her weakest during the first couple of days after each dose, so it was important for Dad or myself to be home to ensure there weren't any severe side effects. Once that phase was over, she would feel energetic and back to normal for about a week and a half, at which point she would start feeling the pain under her arm again. It felt as if the medicine was only having a short-term effect on her.

After the first cycle, the test results confirmed my suspicion. The drug slowed the spread of cancer cells, but there was still progression. Given the limited number of approved drugs available for Mom's specific type of cancer, the doctor decided to continue this drug for one more cycle and see if there would be improvement. Around the same time, I began researching clinical trials that seemed most aligned with her case. During the weekly checkups, the doctor and I would review each clinical trial and evaluate whether she’d be eligible for it. This research went on for the duration of the second cycle, and by the end, it felt as if any hopes of finding a backup had been exhausted. If that wasn’t disappointing enough, the test results of the second cycle confirmed the ineffectiveness of the drug on mom. At this point, it had become exponentially more difficult for me to keep the hope alive, let alone be the source of hope for my parents.

The Fight Within: Discovering the Power of Resilience

That night, I decided to go for a drive to clear my head and take my mind off all the negativity. As I was about to head out, I got a recommendation on YouTube for a new motivational video from one of my subscribed channels. Have you ever had signs that you knew were a godsend? I still remember hearing three quotes that changed me as a person forever.

“It’s not about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” - Rocky Balboa.

I can’t recall the second quote exactly, but it went something like this:

“If the sun was shining on your face and not your grave this morning, god still has a purpose for you.” - Anonymous.

The last one was a story by the famous motivational speaker Dewayne Montgomery

(aka Coach Pain), and this hit home for me.

“Help someone, lift someone up when they’re down. Be the strength for someone when they’re weak, and maybe when you’re at the weakest point in your life, someone will lift you up. We all struggle; no one is immune to it, so keep fighting for it.”

Emerging from Shadows: A Beacon of Hope

With a renewed sense of strength and motivation, I decided to give the doctor a call the next day. She walked me through the remaining treatment options before diving into the next steps with me. Within a week of the call, we were off to the races again. With Thanksgiving and Christmas around the corner, hopes were high, and we were looking forward to the annual family traditions: putting up the Christmas tree, going to our favorite spots to see the decorations, and so on. The holiday season went much better than expected, with the medicine having a positive impact and Mom feeling great.

The New Year finally arrived, but this one felt different. I used to be the type of person who enjoyed making New Year's resolutions and seeing them through, but the past few months taught me to live in the moment and make the most of the health and time I have. Little did I know this mindset would become crucial during my mom's next checkpoint, which was coming up in two weeks.

Beyond the Horizon: Honoring a Journey of Resilience

The weeks passed quickly, and everyone anticipated a positive outcome from the test results. I took a day off from work to take her for the tests and decided to spend the rest of the day doing everything she wanted. We went out for brunch that afternoon, and I recall her being so happy because it reminded her of all the times we used to go out during my summer vacations from school. On our way home from brunch, I got a call from the doctor regarding the test results. There were signs of cancer cells spreading, which meant that the medicine was no longer having any effect. I stopped the car immediately, and as much as I wanted to be strong in front of her, I couldn't help but break out in tears. This medicine was our last hope, and now it also stopped working. The feeling of helplessness and anger rushed over me like a flood because the person who brought me into this life was about to leave me forever, and there was nothing I could do about it.

She was with us for another month after that, during which Dad and I took leave from work to spend as much time with her as possible. We cooked her favorite meals, went to her favorite restaurants, and did anything else we could to ensure she was as comfortable and happy as possible.

As I reflect on this journey of love, resilience, and loss, I’m realizing the profound impact my Mom had on me and the lives of those around her. Though she may no longer be with us physically, her spirit and the lessons she imparted will forever guide and inspire me. Her memory will serve as a constant reminder to cherish every moment, live with purpose, and continue spreading love and hope to others.